We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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