Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
