God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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