If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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