What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
