A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
