I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
