I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
