so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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