I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize