I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
COCAINE IS GR8
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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