i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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