I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
