She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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