We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
