Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is it fun? or sober?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
