My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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