Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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