Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
