Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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