forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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