I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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