My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
