Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
