Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
