i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
