Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You pole danced in your parka.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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