im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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