She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
