Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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