youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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