started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
