I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
