thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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