Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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