Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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