love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
