We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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