btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
