please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
