Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
