My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
