lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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