I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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