i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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