Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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