I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
where are my eyebrows?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
