We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
