you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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