Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
