I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
