Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
