then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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