Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
