I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
