He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
