I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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