sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
