it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
