yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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