Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
