Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
