Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
