Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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